Emily's Thought Menu

The Best Thing Ever

2006-10-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I know it has been quite a while since I have blogged, but I have been busy doing "the best thing ever" in all of my spare time...being a mom! I love it! I knew that having a daughter would change my life and that it would be very special. I had no idea, though, how much I could love her and that the love I have for her would grow every day....much like my love for Jason...yet different, too. It is so neat to be a family...
Samantha is a huge blessing in my life from God. I look forward to watching her grow and change every day; I enjoy every moment I have with her. I also appreciate every moment I have with my husband. He is a wonderful man who is so much fun to be with and a great father. God, thanks for the wonderful abundant life you have given our family.

Ta da!

2006-07-13T03:43:00.000-07:00

Every morning Samantha wakes us up about 5:30 AM with horrible grunts and moans. She is constipated from sleeping all night and has gas pains. At first, I would try to feed her at this time because I thought that was what she wanted. However, I found that all she needed was comfort and help getting things out, so to speak. Expressing herself :).
Anyway, yesterday morning I cuddled with her, holding her stomach close to me. She slept soundly for another hour...it helped her tremendously. However, I was falling asleep and did not want to do that holding her...and though she was being comforted she wasn't getting anything out.
So this morning I decided to try something new. I brought her upstairs to put her in her pack-in-play (or is it "pack and play", or "pack n' play"?). I thought she could have fun in it, kicking around to help get things moving or that I could turn on the vibration mode. If I turned on the vibration mode, it may help get things moving and she may be able to sleep more.
Ta da! The latter worked. Now maybe mommy can get a few more minutes of sleep too! So, what am I doing?! I need to hit the sack! Uh-oh...too late!

"Chatty Cathy"

2006-07-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

Lately one of my close friends has resumed to calling me "Chatty Cathy". Though this title hurts my feelings, I know there is some truth to it. I do tend to talk.... a LOT. I wish I didn't talk so much. I realize that I probably talk too much-more than the average person. I was searching my heart today on this issue:
I need to be a better listener. Why do I talk so much? Some people who talk too much are conceited and "big" on themselves. Is that me? Of course, I would not like it to be. However, I think my motive is simple and not so bad-I love life! I really do. I am very excited about life in general; but I guess especially my life because there are so many things going on that are great! Not because of me...because of God who continues to bless me in great ways. I like to share the events of my life with people because I find them exciting:
Samantha pulled out her pacifier and held it today! I went for a walk and it was beautiful outside! I love thunderstorms, do you?

Ok, so obviously this example isn't necessarily so exciting to others. In what other ways can I express my excitement about life? How can I do it in ways that help others and benefit others...can I take away some of my "Chatty Cathy" moments and become a just as excited listener?

I'm a MOM!

2006-07-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't written anything in my blog for a while because of wonderful news...our baby has arrived! Ok, it was almost 6 weeks ago but better late than never is the phrase I will use in announcing Samantha's birth.
Life as a new family has been great...but crazy! I was definitely clueless on motherhood prior to Samantha; however, I am finally getting the hang of it...a little bit! I told Jason that becoming a parent has been very humbling. I have learned there is so much I don't know!
Since I am a new mommy, I probably shouldn't blog long so that I can go spend time with my husband and daughter today. So to keep this relatively short, I will leave my readers with 5 things I love about Samantha:
1. Her bright eyes
2. Her beautiful smile
3. The fact that she loves to cuddle
4. How she always likes to be on the move
5. Her dramatic noises
6. The way she stretches...dramatic as well
Ok, I know that was six. And there is more! But I will sign off for now.
I love you Samantha!

Waiting

2006-05-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

Well, our due date for the baby to arrive is tomorrow. I can't help wondering if the stork will make a delivery for us....I know he will, but when?
I finished my last day of school today; that was really nice. This has been a long, tough year...blessed but tough. I am thankful to start the summer.
And now....Jason and I are just waiting. It is a weird place to be in. I don't think I've ever felt so paralyzed by waiting in my life. I remember waiting to marry Jason; I was so excited and longed to be with him so badly. But I knew when that day would come....
With waiting for a baby, not knowing when is just a feeling like no other...
You know, Jesus could come back any time...we don't know when. How does that make me feel? How does that make anyone else feel? Are we excited to see Him?

Time to Write

2006-04-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I felt like my blog needed an update and so I decided to write. Really, I don't expect anything fruitful or interesting to come from this entry...so if you are looking to be entertained by words it would serve you best to move on.
I haven't written for some time now because I've been caught in a fog of baby preparation, surviving teaching, and an overactive mind.
Baby prep-
There is so much Jason and I have done and yet still so much to do! Yet, with only three weeks to go...my body is not cooperating. It seems that my feet, hands, and back complain of fatigue after just five minutes of anything but sitting. It also doesn't help that my feet turn into big fat pancakes if they aren't propped up enough (which is most of the time). Walking around with squishy pancakes for feet when you've gained an extra 45 pounds in 9 months and have to balance a giant stomach provides much challenge. Anyway, back to "baby prep"-the most fun part has been preparing her room and finalizing her name.
Surviving teaching-
I love teaching. But again, teaching with pancake feet and other side effects of pregnancy puts me in survival mode. My tolerance for bad behavior is at an all time low; and patience for students who don't want to think or work has gone out the window. Therefore, I've become quite blunt, grumpy, and ungraceful at times in the classroom. However, I'm trying to survive...and be nice...
Overactive Mind
Losing sleep because of contemplating labor (a word that really brings a big question mark to my heart...no matter how many scary stories I've heard I don't really know what it will be like) is the result of an overactive mind...a disease I've always had. Some may call me a "worry wart" and I have to admit that name tag would be true. So, lately, I've had to tell my overactive mind in the middle of the night to "stop it!"-just stop thinking...go to sleep. There is no point in worrying and overthinking about something that:
a)WILL happen; I can't avoid it
b)Is part of God's plan for human creation...not something that can be changed by me
c)Is confined to a time frame that I don't know about.
So, that's my world for now.
Did I say I really love my husband? I do. You can imagine his world has been a bit "topsy turvy" with a wife with pancake feet whose grumpy and uncomfortable much of the time. He handles it really well, I must say.

Little Challenges?

2006-03-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

There are some things in my life that I find challenging. Yet, if others knew what these things were, I think they might be surprised that I call them "challenging" at all. I am not an incompetent person; I think I have been blessed with a few skills here and there as well. However, to a stranger things might appear otherwise, if they saw me:
1. Trying to peel back the foil on a yogurt container without flipping yogurt all over myself.
2. Trying to put the right amount of salad dressing on a salad so that the salad does not look like it is going for a swim.
3. Drinking/choking down a simple glass of water.
4. Trying to tell a story to someone when they may not be looking at me (I have a horrible time doing this...)without stumbling and rambling.
5. Trying to brush my teeth without getting at least one spot of toothpaste on my shirt...somehow...
6. Faithfully wearing a white shirt any time I eat anything with red pasta sauce...so I can consistently christen it with a beautiful stain of red.
These are just some of lifes little challenges for me...things that I never seem to get better at or grow in. Thank goodness my job, marriage, and life do not depend on conquering these things!

Mark

2006-03-08T12:08:00.000-08:00

Of all of the gospels, my favorite book is the book of Mark in the bible. I just love the way it is written-to the point yet full of stories. The other books seem to give a lot of background information and detail. It confuses me that I like Mark so much, because I am actually more of a "detail" person. All my life, I have been known to ask a lot of questions-I want to completely understand things and know everything. And so, you would think I'd like the book of Mark the least. But...I love it! It's short, sweet, simple. The author tells it like it is.
Even now, as I am writing this blog, I feel like I should say more...give more detail. But, I think I'll stop here and not add too much. I just like the book of Mark. That's it!

Psalm 39

2006-02-26T05:14:00.000-08:00

This morning I stumbled across Psalm 39. The following verses stood out to me:

"I said, 'I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth'..." vs 1
&
"Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." vs 5-7

The first verse struck me because I desire to watch my ways and keep my mouth from sinning. So many times I feel that what I say stains my character. I just want to put a muzzle on my mouth so I don't gossip and say unimportant negative things. As I read this verse, my desire to change was renewed. I went to God for forgiveness and newness; I asked for his strength and power to help me to put a hold on my tongue.

The second group of verses gave me peace. In reading it, I was reminded of what my life is really about: serving God. I have a busy week coming up that I have already deemed stressful. But does it have to be that way? My life is so small compared to his greatness, faithfulness, and ultimate plan. Therefore, my little stressors are nothing compared to him. What should I look for in each of my days? God. Who should I hope for? God. Whom should my heart be set on? God. In the end, nothing else matters but love. I can entrust my worries to him about my week and focus on my day today:
"This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"
I don't know exactly where that's from; I know for me the words ring out in song and I also hear this phrase in church all of the time (I'm pretty sure it's from the Bible).
Right now, I have today from God and I can rejoice in it. I pray for peace and joy and give my worries to God, because he is so big and I am so small. Loved, but small.

Stinky Cheese

2006-02-22T12:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, when I take my shoes off, my feet smell like stinky cheese.
Does anyone else have this problem? Today is one of those days.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful Valentine's Day with my husband yesterday. I came home after school, and he had roses, dinner, and brownies waiting for me as well as a gift. The roses are a beautiful red and smell awesome; I love roses. Dinner was fabulous, as it always is when he cooks. I am such a lucky woman.
We watched one of our favorite movies together and had dessert while we watched. The movie is, "You've Got Mail". We just think it's funny and a great movie. I like it because it reminds me of our relationship when we first met...since we lived three hours away from each other we mostly got to know each other through spurratic meetings and email. It was really fun, actually! A strong friendship formed before we started dating, which I think is really special.
I have so many great memories with my husband...and more to come! I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I always thank God for giving me such a wonderful gift; I love Jason more than anything in this world.

Teaching is HARD!

2006-02-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with teaching. I know that in my heart I truly love it and the challenges it brings. However, there are things that I seem to "hate" about teaching...yet I find myself to "keep on keepin' on" in the field. I am addicted to the art of it.
I love teaching children. I love how they can make me laugh, enjoy the silly side of my personality, and make me feel like I am a celebrity when they see me at the grocery store or mall. I love how they always seem so eager to help in any situation...even the children that seem to not like me and get in trouble often. I love the challenge of constantly figuring out the best ways to teach things; I love seeing how different children learn.
However, I hate it when I can't control a child's response to my teaching. I hate to watch kids making bad choices in the classroom; I hate it when they are not giving me their best and when they are disrespectful. I hate knowing that I can try to shape, mold, and teach them as hard as I want but I may see no fruit. I hate it when I want so badly to have good relationships with all of the kids; yet many times despite this desire I end up having a bad repoire at times.
I think it's obvious that there is a yin/yang balance going on here, and maybe that's a good thing. Lots of areas of our lives have two sides to the coin; I see lots of balance in life as a natural thing. I think I'll just look at teaching that way for now and have peace in the midst of the challenge.

"I like reality. It tastes of bread."
-Jean Anouilh

Three Things+

2006-02-11T16:47:00.000-08:00

Here are three things I am thankful for today:
1. Making a fun breakfast for my husband and I in the quiet of an early morning (nothing fancy, just blueberry muffins, mixed fruit, and bacon with tea and coffee)
2. The beautiful snowfall
3. Taking a nap

ok, I can't stop at three. Here are more:
4. My cat
5. My family
6. Being able to sing
7. Feeling our baby move inside of me
8. My husband
9. My relationship with God
10. Lazy days

Friendship

2006-02-10T04:48:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks I have been reminded of just how important friendships are. I've been blessed by being able to see and hear from some of my closest friends. Last weekend I got to see Becca and Rachel. Becca just had an adorable baby; it was so fun to see her as a new mom! She also is one of those friends that I love to laugh with. Rachel is really a sister to me, and so seeing her is like seeing family. It's always great! I also got to see my friend Kristi from Elkhart recently and it was fun to catch up with her. I really miss her as well. Today I heard from my friend Marie from Elkhart, and it was awesome to hear what's going on in her life.
I have several close friends that live far away, and I am not always good at keeping in touch with them. Yet, I am thankful for their friendship that I'm blessed with, and I am reminded of how lucky I am to have them whenever I hear from them or spend time with them.
I hope that over time, I will be able to have friends like these in Muncie-I really don't have many good gal pals like that here and I wish I did. My friendships here sometimes feel spurratic and unreliable. I was blessed with a great friendship last year (with Megan) here in Muncie, but then she moved-we're still close though.
I guess this is just something I'll have to wait on and hope for; friendship isn't something you can force or make happen.

Are we like cats?

2006-02-07T03:38:00.000-08:00

This morning I was eating breakfast in the warmest room in our house, the dining room. The heat was blowing full blast through the vents, and if you sit in just the right spot at the table you get toasted. Unfortunately, my cat had already stolen the warmest spot at the table. So I sat caddy-corner from her. While I was eating my yogurt cheerios, she held her head up high and enjoyed the heat. When I finished eating, I was ready to visit with her. I pushed my cereal bowl aside and held my hands out for her to come over to me, but she just looked at them uninterested. I was again disappointed.
I don't know why I bother to pat my lap and ask her to come over to me; or why I bother to hold my hands out to her. As many of you may know, cats aren't anything like dogs. They choose when and where they go; they choose what they want to do. But, no matter how many times I am snubbed by my darling cat-I never give up holding my hands out to her or asking her to come. I never stop giving her gifts that she may enjoy (like this morning-a new milk ring).
As I was thinking about this, I realized that we are a lot like cats when it comes to God. He often holds out his hands to us or asks us to come to Him, and we just stare blankly or ignore Him unless we want to come. And yet, he still loves us dearly and continues to holds out his hands. He still gives us gifts we can enjoy.
When my cat remained motionless as I held out my hands to her this morning, I ended up going over to sit by her-I scratched her back, hugged her, held her. She purred happily and accepted my love. This is what God does for us-he comes to us to love us and surround us. And we are like cats-we can choose to accept his love, or we can choose to walk away.

Gratitude

2006-02-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed with a variety of magazines as gifts. I love to read, and my family knows that. I am now receiving National Geographic, Readers' Digest, and Prevention-all of which interest me.
This morning I was reading an article about happiness in Prevention. The article spoke of different character qualities (which can be developed)that help individuals to be more content. One character quality discussed was gratitude. Being thankful and affirming positive happenings in ones life can make a person happier.
Anyone who may read this post may think, "Of course, Emily...that just makes sense". And though it does, to me there is still something profound about this. Being grateful is such a wonderful quality...
Anyway, I was thinking that I would like to be happier and certainly I would like to train myself to be more grateful and mindful of blessings in my life. So, I decided to put to practice one of the suggestions made on developing gratitude to be more content. This practice involves stating three things that went well in your day; or three things that you are thankful for that day. Here are my three things:
1. I am thankful for the walk I had with my husband. It was so beautiful outside and it was fun to spend time with him and share nature together.
2. I had a lot of fun with my 3rd grade music class today. It went well; the students and I laughed and learned together.
3. I am thankful for the beautiful sunrise this morning and how close I felt to God when I saw it.

Pink, pink, pink!

2006-01-26T06:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a big day for Jason and I. We got to see our baby for the first time! It was so exciting. Both of us were anxious to find out what we were having; I think half of the fun was just wondering about it all!The doctors seem to think it's a girl, so all I can think is pink pink pink!
Either way would be wonderful. It's just neat to know the probable gender.
Now we can focus more seriously on names and make other plans.
I think the best part of the ultrasound was being able to see a healthy baby moving around! The baby was quite entertaining, being obviously a bit unhappy about being poked at through my stomach. She kept putting her arms and hands in front of her face when the technician was trying to get a picture. Other times she was grabbing her feet with her hands; each movement was amazing.
I am so thankful and excited for this experience my husband and I shared. I can't stop looking at the pictures we took home!

Work Woes

2006-01-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

I am having difficulty at work dealing with people whom I find...well, how can I put it? Mean.
As a music teacher, I have to work with all staff and I need support and help from them. In planning programs, this is especially important. Most of the staff at my school are really wonderful. However, there are some that I find difficult to deal with.
Those that I find most difficult are people with a very critical nature of others. They are quick to find fault, always complaining, forever gossiping, and easily angered. I am easily hurt by this attitude, and sometimes I try to avoid experiencing the pain at all costs. But, I have found that no matter what I do or how hard I try, there will always be people in my life that are critical of me and others.
So what do I do with that?
Most of the time I harbor resentment, bitterness, frustration, even hate. This is unhealthy for me though, and it doesn't help the world or Jesus (my Lord) any.
So I must dig deeper and find other ways to deal with my hurt and understand my place in this type of situation.
As I dig deeper, I first find my critical nature and tendencies to sometimes gossip. Busted! So I ask for forgiveness and realize that I must work on removing the rock from my eye before I observe and point out the speck in others.
Then, I realize something else. Part of my hurt deals with feelings of unacceptance. I'd love to be at peace with everyone and be liked by everyone, but I am not. So what?
Well, I accept the fact that I am unaccepted. Then, I find that I don't need the acceptance of others-I have been accepted and loved by God, and that's what's important. AND, amazingly, this acceptance happens EVEN when I constantly mess up.
Wow!
Well then, since I am accepted I can accept others even though they hurt me, and I can even pray for them and hope that somehow, they can see themselves for who they are and find the same acceptance and love in Jesus so that they may change...or at least feel whole.
Ultimately, with God's love, I can live the life he wants me to by loving those who hurt me and enduring the pain gracefully. And that gives me hope and peace with my work woes.

Becoming a Couch Potato

2006-01-16T16:10:00.000-08:00

This pregnancy thing is really a lot different than I expected! I had heard about women experiencing different symptoms of being pregnant; but mostly, the rumors were cute and unreal to me-until now...like "morning sickness" (glad that's over) and getting pudgy (still doin' that).
I am exhausted tonight just from doing a little work around the house! I am only 5 months pregnant, but somehow the weight and hormones are definitely taking their toll. I'm not someone who likes to sit around, but my body is requiring me to do that so I guess I'll just have to wave the white flag and be a bit more lazy!
All of this is worth it though; I just can't wait until the little one comes!

Ode to Jason

2006-01-12T04:48:00.000-08:00

I have the best husband ever. I am such a lucky gal. I'm sitting here listening to an awesome jazz CD he made me-for fun but also to use for teaching music. It is great! He helps me in so many ways with my job. He helps with my music programs, he helps me find music, carry heavy things...
If you ever need help finding good music, Jason (or Bob, his father) are two of the best people to go to. They are so knowledgeable!
Besides helping me with music, Jason is just a wonderful life partner and my best friend. He is so loving, caring, serving, funny, smart, talented, and the list goes on...the best part though is that he loves Jesus. I couldn't ask for a better quality/characteristic in a husband than this!
Did you know he got me a cat for my birthday? Probably the best birthday gift I've ever received!
Anyway, thanks to God for a great husband! Oh, and thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law, Jan for setting us up!

Endangered Species

2006-01-11T05:05:00.000-08:00

So after the last three weeks of a seemingly vacant college bible study, I'm fearing that "Something" is now becoming an Endangered Species! I've really missed seeing everyone on Tuesday nights; though I know and understand everyone has been busy. Anyway, I guess it is time to start praying more for the study!
I will say that some of our friends that attend (Jen and Brad) came last night to the study, and since they were the only people there we all just hung out. It was actually really fun talking to them! They are really neat people; and I know Jason and I were blessed by their company. So, I am thankful for that time with them!

I LOVE Jazz!

2006-01-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

Today I've been listening to a lot of jazz. My husband got me this great book for Christmas about jazz musicians that I would like to use for teaching my elementary music classes. Now, I'm trying to pick and match great songs to go with different artists I'm going to focus on this week from the book. I think my favorite so far is Billie Holiday. I really love her voice, and she has such a cool name. Of course, I'm a bit partial being more of a vocalist than instrumentalist. Jazz just brings me great joy; I love the way it comes together and fills my soul. I love improvisation, notes that move in half steps, and the creativity of it all. Now the challenge is finding songs that will easily inspire the elementary ear!

Spicy Power

2006-01-06T06:39:00.000-08:00

I was reading 2 Thessalonians today and immediately became thankful and hopeful in God's power. I know that his power is "spicy" and "strong" enough for even my sometimes bland life. My life definitely needs some "flavor".
Here is one particular verse that I really like:
"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith." 2 Thessalonians 1:11
My deepest desire is that my life would make a loving impact on this earth. I know that this can only be accomplished in loving and serving God. Yet, sometimes I get distracted and feel weak in serving him. This verse reminds me that through the hope of his power, my intentions and actions in serving him can be fulfilled and I will make an impact because of this.